Fact
or Friction*#!... 12/1/2002
Turkeys
Buying Nothing...page 2
We dart down T street. No lights. We're all wearing black. I thought this was a dangerous way to ride until I realized that there were absolutely no cars out this Thanksgiving night. It's only 9pm, and the whole place - midtown and downtown - is absolutely dead. We stop every few blocks so I can put "DRIVING" stickers on Stop signs just below "Stop."
At first I feel kind of juvenile, but then a sense of exhilaration sets in. Here we are, the middle of Thanksgiving night, taking the First Amendment by the horns and damning private property and corporate capitalism at the same time. I began to feel younger. The Ugghs and guffaws of Aimee did not hurt the feeling, either.
We stop at the closed Naked Lounge at 15th and Q. Ricky and Fred want to plaster the windows. I convince them not to.
"These are the good guys, the independents. Save the stickers for Starbucks." They agree, and instead plaster a few "Buy Nothing Day" logo stickers on a metallic lightpost outside the Lounge that is already littered with stickers and paste-up posters for bands and locally-produced films.
"Preaching to the choir," I think.
Aimee and I can't stop make googly eyes at one another.
We make our way down to 5th, then hang South toward Downtown Plaza. There are a few people straggling around from the movies so we make ourselves inconspicuous, hitting every window surface we can without being seen. We then cross the I-5 underpass walkway to Old Town. There are a few clubbers around, but they're too busy getting to the club to notice our mischief. At least 10 people saw us doing our deeds, but they all acted as if nothing were amiss.
We hit every window, every store entrance that we could, reminding tomorrow's participants in gluttony that it was actually "Buy Nothing Day."
We wheeled through the parking garage and saw a Downtown Plaza Security guard in his Cushman. He was asleep.
Ricky quietly approached the vehicle where the guard slept. We three others were freaked. We slowly rode away, exhorting Ricky with exaggerated hand gestures to not do it. Didn't work. He plastered 10 stickers all over the Cushman in about 20 seconds. We sniggered like naughty 8 year olds and quickly rode off into the night, our supply of BND stickers now exhausted after plastering a Sacramento Bee Truck parked on L street.
Now it was time for the big finish. Over to K street and the GAP to unload the 18 minute stickers.
We got to K Street Mall. Just a couple of sleeping winos outside the GAP. The rest- silence. We counted 7 exterior Gap Signs, 6 of them on windows or the glass doors. It would be up to me to hit the main overhead sign above the entrance since I was the tallest. We divvied up the stickers. Dropped our bikes to the sidewalk and charged the place. More sniggers. We couldn't stop. I got mine on the first leap, surprising me to no end. We retreated back to the bikes and got the hell out of there. We stopped by the two-legged upright dog statue at the convention center and laughed ourselves silly for about 10 minutes.
Once we'd caught our breath Rick pondered, "Do you think any GAP shopper will know what 18 Minute GAP means?"
This inspired another round of laughter.
Once this burst died down, I realized aloud, "Shit, we didn't hit Starbucks."
"No worry," said Ricky matter-of-factly, "I'll smash out a window or two on the way home."
"Cool," I said.
"Cool," Fred and Aimee chimed in.
Fred and Ricky went home. Aimee and I returned to my place.
"I thought you were in Eureka through the weekend," I mentioned to her about halfway to my place.
"Had to come back for this," she said.
We watched Buffy Season 2 Eps on DVD and challenged each other to Buffy trivia into the wee hours.
I explained to her what the "18 Minute Gap" was, and she explained a few things that I didn't know - like how every nice Jewish girl doesn't necessarily want a Jewish boy- nice or mean, and how Jewish girls, despite the disparaging stories, are indeed capable of orgasm. She then demonstated both these theories in short order, erasing any doubt I may have had.
CHEERS!